Didie | Christmas present for Internal Team

Didie | Sexual harassments of a sinner's mind

Didie | "Признание"

С последни сили подаваме ръце като приятелите стари,
пътеките на своите души
поемаме със крачки, от които по нозете пари,
поглеждам те с надежда времето да спре,
но то не спира, а лети...лети...
Как исках да те гледам още миг,
но ти не дочака моята покана,
усетих празното сърце, но се обърнах заразена
от тръпките на самотата -
красива в свойта нощна рокля,
дори е тя от твоята усмивка покорена.

Didie | "You got the love"

Some people will never change to better, but they'll always be perfect at playing the evil. So it happens sometimes...Some are bad, some are good. The all known circle of life.
But this morning a friend of mine showed me this video just like that, without a reason...And made me smile. Made me remember. Made me never forget.
And no matter how many bad people we meet in our lives, no matter how much they can hurt our feelings, there will always be someone(s) good as well. To guide. To protect. To make us believe. To love and be loved.

P.S. ...and maybe, just maybe perhaps we all give the best of our hearts uncritically to those who hardly think about us in return...

Happy 30-th Birthday, Gilbert!

"Къде ли не животът ме отвява.
Къде ли не замръзвах.
Единствено искрата в мен
от теб, ме топли и спасява."
Искра Димитрова

Скъпи мой най-добри приятелю,
Днес е ден като всеки друг, просто дата от календара, която ще се изтъркули за точно 24 часа. Но днес не е ден като всеки друг и ние с теб знаем защо е така.
Помниш ли цветята на тавана ми? А Големите Червени Обувки? Дънките ти, яростно раздрани от две луди момичета, които те накараха засрамено да си ги намериш в хладилника? Срамежливата първа целувка в късните часове на нощта, която след години се оказа началото на най-прекрасното приятелство? Улица "Дунав" номер 11? Спирката на Орион, която вечно наричах Одеон, и която ми се струваше на цяла вечност разстояние от мястото, където живеех?
Помниш ли....Така започна нашето приятелство.
От тогава по Дунав и канала на София изтече ужасно много вода. Смениха се повече от 40 сезона. Остаряхме. Поехме по своите собствени неутъпкани пътеки на "тъй наречения мой жовот". Точно както предполагахме. Сменихме приятели, компании и любови, а разстоянието между нас от 15км в пределите на София премина в 1500км разстояние между България и Германия.
Но това нито ни уплаши, нито ни спря.
И ето, днес, макар да не мога да прелетя тези 1500км, съм отново с теб, както всеки друг ден от изминалите повече от 10 години, така както знам, че и ти си с мен...Както винаги си бил. И както знам дълбоко в себе си, че винаги ще бъдеш. И сега, както тогава, живеем в различни вселени. И сега, както тогава, всеки пази безмилостно своето Аз. И сега, както тогава, всеки диша, обича, живее, бори се с всичко излязло на пътя му, пречка да премине нататък. Но сега, както никога, знам какво огромно богатство имам до себе си. И нито една дума, независмо на какъв език, не би могла да опише моето усещане.
Връзката ми с теб е като вярата в Доброто. Не ви виждам често, но вярвам, че ви има.
Благодаря ти, че всеки ден чрез теб и душевността ти намирам себе си и своето вдъхновение. И своята "Съвест".

Честит рожден ден, Ради!!!

Didie | Golden Heart

I wish I could have said the truth, looking straight into his dark hazel eyes full of passion and joy, but I never will.
I wish I could have kept this amazing smile, filling me with unbeatable energy, only for me, but I never will.
I wish ... but I never will.

Didie | Who am I?

Didie | Есен на покварата

И когато затварям вечер уморените си очи, твоята усмивка ме преследва ...
Навън става все по-студено и мрачно ... няма слънце, няма живот. Листата безжалостно биват пометени от студения вятър, след седмица няма и да ги има вече ... Времето е тъжно, подтискащо. Но пак се хващам да ги стискам в опит да заспя. А може би с желанието никога повече да не се събудя. Но си представям полутонен следобед в замъка Нимфенбург, градина пълна с езера, в които се отразяват последните топли чувства на лятото. Дъжд, който нежно гали остатъците от шарените ми кичури. Капки, бавно падащи в безкрая, търкалящи се по жълти, оранжеви, медни, червени, лилави, зелени, кафяви листа. И всичките знаят, че скоро умират, но въпреки всичко изящно блестят дори и в смъртта си.
"И може да се случи така, че да разкриеш душата си само за да те изгледат особено, без изобщо да разберат какво си казал или защо си помислил казаното за така важно, че едва не си се разплакал, докато си споделял своята тайна. Струва ми се, че това е най-лошото - когато тайната остава заключена в тебе, не поради липса на разказвач, а поради липса на слушател, който да те разбере..."
В златистите отенъци на Луната върху обвитото ми с разбити илюзии грозно и разплуто тяло споделям със себе си всяка нощ моята тайна ...
... Искам да съм Слънцето, което първо виждаш сутрин ...

Didie | Carne trémula or do we have the honour to choose our own destiny

We are an impossible dream, seeking the night
to forget in its shadows the world and everything else.
We, in our daydream, painful and beloved
two leaves that the wind brought together in autumn.
We are two beings in one, who, loving each other, die
to keep the secret of their love.
But what will life matter when we are separated?
We are two teardrops in a song.
But what will life matter...
Nothing more are we, nothing more...

schmIIr I desires

I´m lonely, labile – lost in my space. We are alone together. It reminds me of the feeling to be “… alone. Even in your arms.” But you aren´t here. You even don't exist. What I see every day, are only little parts of you, scattered around me. I call you Frankenstein, because you are just figment of my desires.

Didie | Looking for the Muse

I'm still desperately looking for my Muse ... as it seems I've lost it, but the burden's hard to know I still can't find it ... Maybe I dropped it all of a sudden somewhere between Budapest and Sofia, or between the empty beer bottles on the way from Plovdiv to Karlovo and Sopot. Or even maybe between the "No more NET datings!" sign still blowing my head into pieces ...

If you happen to meet my Muse by chance, please tell her to come back ...

Didie | DON'T YOU DARE KILLING ME!!!

Emotions make you feel better.Emotions make you feel good. Now I feel drunk and I don't care. I don't care that I don't know so many languages as my friend Stu and it makes me stupid. I still have no idea why I feel stupid, but I do. I wanted to know all those languages, but I can't. Because I am stupid.. Because my mind does not work proper and all i can do is ...hmm.. nothing! I wish I could love the way I used to, but I can't. I wished I could fly, but I can't, because I am too heavy. I want to kiss, but I can't. Because I love someone specific and I wish I can be with him no matter what.
There are so many boys that I can kiss or even love. I made a mistake. By making someone like someone else. Not me. Not this time. Again. I did try.
I do love. In my own way. I am strange. I know. I realize. I can overcome. I am lonely. I could have fucked, but I did not want to. I still have feelings. For the one that will never even make an effort to be close to me.
I miss. I want. I love. Him.
I am tired of always showing my emotions, describing my feelings....I am just TIRED OF BEING ALONE!
DON'T YOU DARE KILLING ME!!! I DON'T DON'T DESERVE IT!

Didie | Beauty, passion, wildness, love ...

My feelings for Sam can't be described as simple ...
... they can't be described at all ...

... sometimes I even wonder is it for real ...... or is it all only a fairy tale ...
... still nothing can stop me from dreaming ...
... from here to eternity ...

Didie | So you thought me how to laugh

... I was thinking what to write ...

... but he has already said it all ...... "I hear your voice though I know not how it sounds
and whenever I see your smile my heart pounds" ...

Didie | The stranger with the magic smile

... that's my way to say "I'm sorry" ...

... but why do I have to say it anyway? ...
It's enough that I've met you ...
and I'm grateful for that ...

Didie | How to feel as a King of The World

Summer... Broiling sun subdues even best hidden spots from Sofia's field...I feel the crying, nooo - the imperative need of fresh air, silence and calmness...To run away from the overpopulated capital with nothing but Stupid people...And to SEE the Stars.So I chose to run. Away. Wherever I knew I'd be close to them - my oldest of old friends. It took me really big efforts to set a day off from the overworked schedule, but I went to see. Ahh, The Mountain!!! Dear Mountain! I know our meetings through the years has been reduced to only seeing your pictures in the Net, but every time I touch your freedom for real I'm feeling the need to fly. I can feel you in my blood. And I want us to be together forever. And then I flied. Beyond the dust of the insane chaos I live in. Into another land. Where life too goes by, but where the little people you can see greet you with a smile for "good day" even if they don't know you and may never see you again. Where "Time" as a measuring quantity has no meaning at all. Where we, people, can find ourselves again and again. So, I finally climbed you again, Musala! And I realised the last 15 years have passed like a bad dream...But I promise, I'll see you again... Soon...

Didie | "Girls Interrupted"

Like every other project, this one started only as a joke to myself. But my friends kinda liked it, so I've decided to make each one of them a little special present :)

Didie | Home is where your heart is ...

Надето, или просто Christie

Приятелството ни започна дръзко и смело още във времето, когато все още нямаше интернет, Skype звучеше като име на фамозна машина на времето, а да си пишеш с непознато другарче се считаше освен за светъл пример за добро пионерско поведение и доста предизвикателен начин да се измъкнеш от уроците по литература например. Помня тръпката, с която ежедневно проверявах онази дървена кутия, в която пощальонката пускаше разни работи, които по онова време носеха гръмкото име писма. Моите все още ги пазя дълбоко засекретени в шкафа на детството и понякога, препрочитайки ги, ми се иска да скоча в онази същата машина на времето и да се върна ... Там ...

А Надето продължи:

... Там ... където обикновено на дъното малко самотно, но напълно достатъчно се мъдреше едно писъмце, пропътувало по вертикалата Север-Юг на милата роднина и кацнало при една от нас. Ехх, какъв странен локум е времето нали?! Разтеглен в снимки и спомени от последните 13 години изглежда направо прозрачен, а в главата ми спомени и случки пулсират розови и живи сякаш се случили вчера. Първата среща в Гоцето, в горещото лято на 95-та, онзи сюреалистично луд купон в апартамента в Люлин през 99-та, после и другия в Читалнята на 54-ти блок, твоята стая в същия този блок, събирала какви ли не хора, нрави и емоции (а колко уютна беше през зимата, когато пушхме и си разказвахме Вертикална граница), пътуването ми до Видин и първото гостуване у вас с Тревата пред блока и разбира се паметната СРЕЩА с Крисчън...Не сме ли наистина късметлийки, че се познаваме?! :) love ya

Didie | Welcome back, Eneq!

„ Нереалност - тази дума остана в главата й дори когато събра багажа си и се върна към онзи бетонен затвор, който често убиваше първичното у нея. Единственото нещо, което взе от милата София бе усещането за пълна лудост и две малки книжки със 100 туристически обекта на България. В замяна същата тази София я вдъхнови за великолепната "Градска история". А после може би си каза: "Страх ме е, че сме обречени да бъдем свидетели как един по един в безбрежната вселена се загубват хората, които всеки ден променят по малко мисленето ни. Може би всяка моя стъпка, всеки километър, който изминавам (независимо в каква посока), ме отдалечават от теб. Но нека не забравяме, че ако някоя пресечка, странична от магистралата, ти привлече вниманието - тръгни по нея и никога не забравяй коя си.” (words taken from stories I've read in her blog)

Welcome back, Eneq! И София понякога има нужда от твоята лудост :-)

Didie | Or maybe today I've lost you...

.............Now I regret every word that was spoken
I said some things you know I didn’t mean
Maybe we’ll turn back the time
Work it out, start anew
Or maybe today I’ve lost you

Strange how a day it can feel like a lifetime
I know what I had now it’s gone
Ive swallowed my pride cos alone here, I’m dying
And with you is where I belong

I can’t help but think of our last conversation
I close my eyes I can still see your face
I hope what I’m feeling now
You are feeling it too
Or maybe today I’ve lost you............

There were many thoughts that I wanted to write about my acquaintance of Mark "Wolfman" Eyre ... but all that happened in my mind was the sound of a well known song of sadness ... huge hole newly opened in my soul ... and thousands of unanswered questions discursively spread all over my head ...

But if family is more important, then he must not regret the actions ... and I must not object to his decisions ... and let him go ...
Still I hope to find the answers some day ...
And I hope to find him (again) in good health and big happiness.
And I hope he'll find me as well ...
Yeah, I hope ...

After all, "Delete" is nothing but the end of something simple ... and the beginning of everything else ...

Didie | "Wish you were here"

Another sleepless night without you,
waiting with patience for another call,
another letter to hopefully find you,
another lovely picture on the wall...

(to Sam,
who will always be loved
in one way or another...)

Didie | Dreams can sometimes be shared...

(This is US...10 years ago...)

We just had a beer after the hard day at work.
And talked, as we haven't talked for ages. Digged into our memories, some painful, others even absurdly funny. Confessed our mistakes, on which we giggled till cry, had fun with our own agonies. Remembered all the loves that separated us, and those to bring us together again. And we knew that no matter how much we changed through the years, no matter that we're already grown ups, even if we didn't want it, we remained US and over the years we've built the most precious thing, more powerful that time itself - our friendship.
I am not the Woman from your dreams, you're not the Man I yearnen for all my lonely nights. But I AM a part of your past, present and future, and YOU ARE a part of my inspiration. And this is something no one can change, can he?

(...and this is US now)

Didie | The Big Spring House Cleaning

Didie | "Soulmates"

2008. 2 plus 8 makes 10. 10 devided to 2 is 5. 5 is the number of the letters in my name. - 1, because we devided 10 to 2, makes 4. 4 is the number of the letters in your name. So it seems we are connected. And it was ment to happen this year. On 20th of August. I've known you for weeks, but feel like known you for months. Months are turning into years, years are becoming ages. We've known each other from the eternity. Of our souls and our wisdoms.
But we never met before. Until now.

Here I see your face through the London mist, still trying to catch whatever's left of my thoughts, and arrange them in my heart. I want to scream, that feeling of immortal pain of pleasure!! I've waited patiently to feel it for over 22 centuries, finding and losing you again and again, and again...We've met everywhere - Under the toscan sky, In the valleys of Elah, we held in hands the Empire of the Sun, we sang side by side on the Streetcar Named Desire, we've had our Walk to Remember, even drowned together on Titanic.
But we never met before. Until now.

I don't want flowers on our first date. I want a part of you. A part of your heart to live inside of me. A part of my mind will be given in exchange. I want to hold your face in my hands and feel the everlasting power of your smile. I want to touch your lips with my lips and taste your imagination. I want to kiss your silky skin and entwine round your fragile body. I want to lay down in your bed of inspiration and be gently enchanted by your tender arms. I want to lick your personality and remember the smell of your infinite spirit. I want to feel your soul inside and out to make you desire my spaceless sensuality.
But we never met before. Until now.

And we shall meet again. In our next life. As usual.

Didie | Angel M

You've been supportive all the way
you've been myself, my truly soulmate
you've been around just every day
when make me smile I'm feeling great.

Didie | Personality Type

Didie | .........

If you ever trusted me, then you can feel my needs,
If you desired me, then you can read my thoughts,
If you are able to love strongly, then I let you walk
to come and kiss me tenderly, feeling no regrets!

Didie | ... to Mark ...

Why am I feeling so empty without you?
What kind of magic you spelled on my mind?
Searching for soulmate, but scared to touch you,
how could I ever be so stupidly blind?

x x x x x a poem from didie x x x x x

Didie | ...from Mark...

Altough we are not together, we are in heart and mind.
I dream about our bodies held close and entwined.
I hear your voice, though i know not how it sounds.
And whenever i see your smile, my heart pounds!

x x x x x a poem from mark x x x x x

scared

I tell you the truth … tomorrow. I´m scared.
It isn´t a thing of the PAST. Everything is Now.
…and I play dead.

Didie | Freak Circus

“Dear God, Allah or Jimi, hurry up and make this excellent band as famous as they deserve to be so that I can tell everybody that I knew them once” - Dorset Echo.

You guys are AMAZING!!!! Thanx for making me LIVE again!

Check it! Freak it!
http://www.myspace.com/freakcircusuk

P.S. Keep inspiring people, Wolfman ;-)

Didie | ...an unfinished song...

There's nobody's fault for life so rude and cruel,
There's nobody's fault for being all alone,
to see the life passed by the tears
and leave helplessly somebody painfully die.

Didie | "A love song for Bobby Long"

She was looking at the blank page…Wanted to write him a letter, but never figured out how to start…or how to end. She wanted to tell him she was in love with him, but emotions were too strong to struggle. She knew he would never respond. It was all about sex to him. It was all about resting by seeing her breasts, by touching them in his imagination. And all she wanted was love. That same true love from the fairy tales she still believed in.

She closed her eyes and remembered…all the guys she ever dated. He was incomparable. He was something she was looking for her entire life. Never had the strengths to tell him…but he wouldn’t believe her anyway. I tear felt. There was the pain…indescribable…ailing…A pain she never felt before. Her brain was chaotically crashed by a feeling that could never exist. Though she closed her eyes and imagined…imagined him holding her, holding her so close she could hardly breathe, but feeling secure, and feeling loved by The One.

Before she felt asleep on the couch, tired from being alive, there were only few words written:

“I don’t know how to start it…and I don’t want to finish it at all…

P.S. I love you. ”

(to be continued)

Didie | "Nudity"

Didie | "Sadness"

Didie | "Orgasm"

Didie | "Temptations"

Didie | ...emptiness...

... Never have I ever until today felt such a huge and painful emptiness in myself, and I can't even figure out whether it's in my soul or just into my body ...
... i feel ... a bit ... outcasted ...
... a freezing feeling of losing people ...
... or losing the next serial battle with Life, because of being weak to resist ...
... how empty and cold has suddenly become the space around ...

Didie | From "Градска история" by eneq

Град пълен с истории. С мойте истории.

Любовта ми към София е мръсна, тежка, изморяваща. Любовта ми към София е феерична, тръпнеща, истинска. Чувството на облекчение след като си се завърнал от далеч, не може да бъде сбъркано с друго. Това е чувство, че си се прибрал у дома.

Didie | ......

Ако сърцето ти изстине
от ласките на нежността,
ако душата ти загине
в студения сумрак на вечерта,
ако усетиш своето страдание
в самотната прегръдка на нощта...
Извикай силно мойто име!
И аз ще дойда. Аз съм любовта.

Didie | "Things are never over until they're really over!"

I'm the bravest girl, I have the best friends, and I'm mad!!!

...There is a thought I heard in a film..."Things are never over until they're really over!"....

So I picked up all his remained stuff from my place and after the sunday church choir my friends and I went to this man's work and in front of his wife gave him back his stuff, while my best friends were holding my hand, and told him "Please, try to love her as much as you can, give her a chance, cause she deserves it. Save the family you've always dreamed of. And erase me from your memories, cause I want my freedom back." She stayed speachless. The last thing I saw were the tears in his eyes.
Then I turned and walked away...Head up.

I finally feel free...part of me I left forever there, but i don't regret it.
...Things are never over until they're really over...


P.S. В истинския живот разбира се не се получава точно така, но все пак авторът има право на литературно отклонение от истината, нали?

Didie I Честита Баба Марта !!!

Didie | ...без коментар...

[22.2.2008 г. 08:00:10] Danail Ivanov says: за двете ни няма място в неговия живот и мисля че излишната си ти.не си малка прецени сама
[22.2.2008 г. 08:01:50] Removed by Danail Ivanov, 22.2.2008 г. 08:01:50 This message has been removed by the host

Didie | Работа, умора, суета част II - Оne year later

"И отново се върнах уморена от работа....Седнах пред добре познатата машина, която отнася всичкия ми негативизъм под една или друга форма, и пак се вгледах в бялото пространство, отредено ми за писане...С дни като днешния се сблъсквам всеки миг, една и съща монотонна работа, едни и същи проблеми, голяма част от които оставащи за пореден път без разрешение. И този не беше с нищо по-различен...но тогава защо ръцете ми треперят?..Защо не мога да подредя мислите си?..Защо не мога да направя нищо смислено?..Затрупана с проблеми, задачи, отново и отново си повтарям изтърканата фраза "Вземи се в ръце!", но защо ли не помага...И все пак, борбената жена в мен отново ще се събуди...може би просто имам нужда от мъничко почивка...Която скоро, много скоро ще си дам...независимо от факта колко много проблеми дотогава ще останат нерешени...или колко цигари ще бъдат нервно изпушени в кратките минути на регламентирания shift break...Човек сам създавам проблемите си и се предполага, че сам и ще си ги решава. Чисто житейска истина, нали?"

Прочетох написаното точно тук точно преди една година и се изумих колко монотонно и еднакво е минала цяла година...или може би съм се въртяла в омягьосан кръг и пак съм стигнала мястото, от където започнахме с Гилбърт да цапаме словесно....

Didie | "Careless Whisper"

I started something that I believed was a relationship, with a married man. I didn't know that part...On January 1st, only few hours after midnight he started crying on my shoulder about his miserable life and how he wants to divorse his wife. (I fucked that man, god damn it!!!) Same evening somehow i happened to be with him alone at his appartment. Strangest thing was all that Depeche mode things they said...and damn, he looked like peasant of a kind "I've got all the money in the world!!" We made very bad sex on his wedding bed (but he licks quite good, I think) and of course, I was very scared that his wife would appear in the most subleme moment. Suddenly he stoped licking my pussy and said "I'm going for a cigarette in the living room!"

And that was the moment when I should have said "I'm going home now." But I didn't.

Then he showed me the pictures of his 10 years old daughter. Did he scared me? Not at all.

For few days we started talking on Skype every night.. never made video sex, but maybe we should try...He came one night to stay at my place..And he started crying again...We couldn't even star the overture to sex. He was so helpless that I couldn't stand his pain and kissed him.

My heart shouted out that I should help him! I was already in love…

Grabbed him as he was my last chance not to die alone!

He wasn’t even my style!!! How deep must I fall?

He forgot his charger at my place, and few hours later his cell was off. And he disappeared. For a damn long time! Never called, never went online. When I was at work one day he came to take his charger back and left five tremendous dark red roses on my bed. Without calling me. Came back here a week later to see me and his best friend, who happened to be my roommate’s husband. Broke my fingers (by incident?), got deadly drunk, and made me cry and blame myself for his attitude. Cried most of the time. I slept on the couch. Finally he told me: “When everything’s over, I’m taking you to live with me!”

And disappeared again. Then my roommate told me he spoke with her and told her this is not the moment when he needs a new relationship. That I am too much powerful woman for him and he doesn’t want my chains. So I better stop calling him every hour (?!). OK, I said. Next day silence. All silence. Until midnight, when I came home from work. He rang me about 12 times on Skype. And I called him back. We spoke for 4 hours. He was so desperate! About to lose all his money and half of his furniture. But the trial has already begun. I was tender and supportive. I watched him and all I wanted was his happiness. I prayed for him, and then I thought: “What the fuck am I part of??”

A kind of excuse. Mine, for trying to lie myself that I don’t like him, and his, for giving me NOT care and attention. 10 calls for those 12 hours. Just to say Hi. And to make a singer at his restaurant sing specially for me “My heart will go on”. And to say “Good night! I kiss you thousand times!”. And to promise to pick me up from work Sunday evening, cause this is his only free day and he will spend it with me.

He never showed up…yet.

Sunday evening / 23.45h

Didie | "Glimpse"

Didie | "Lost in translation"

16.01.2008

And let me someday be the one
who hugs and kisses you in bed of roses...

She hanged up the phone after hearing an unknown voice, and all she wanted was to hear his...She was absolutely sure she made a mistake, but this time really didn't know where...her brain started to be eaten up with the millions of seconds spent together... slowly, bit by bit...cell by cell...They moved with the speed of the light, increasing her headache with every second, but she kept trying to arrange them...She realised there can not be love, though she loved him anyway. It was her again, always ready to give and never expecting anything for exchange. The emptiness was painfully killing all her faith left. She wanted to admit how she still counts every minute to their dates, but she was scared he wouldn't understand...and he wouldn't respond again...but it was all over before it ever started... Yes, all beautiful things last seconds...and her stolen seconds from his life kept breaking into pieces her smashed heart, as they wanted to go back to their owner...But she imprisoned them deep in her soul, because she was scared to lose him...
Left all but a little piece of hope to shine into the apple of her eye...to remind her of him. To get used to the thought of loneliness...again...And as more as she was forgeting, she wanted more...and more...of him...the air he breathes...the trembles of his heart...his love...then she had nothing left to do but to encroach on his private space...
It hurted. He screamed like a deadly wounded animal.
He was someone to her, but she was nobody for him. He wanted his freedom, but she couldn't give it back. He begged for his reality where there was no place left for her. And that despaired her more and more...She thought as closer as she was to him he'd love her more...Maybe that's all humans' bigest problem - they are not honest. Everything she won were the words "You don't understand me!", sounding maliciously through all parts of her body...destroying her fighting for survival soul...

Of course, she couldn't stand it at the end...She felt down with an enormous crush over her own selfishness...over her mania to be loved by one and only person whom can never have...She burst into tears...she wanted to go back to the day when she first met his eyes...And forever remembered his smile. The same smile that warmed all of a sudden her heart and showed her what is to love unadulteratedly...

Something felt from her eye...a bead...his little bead of hope. Burned her thenar, but she hardly felt any pain. She stared at it, was as beautiful as in the day she stole it. Felt a bit of desite to hide it and keep it forever, but already knew she doesn't have the right. Picked up the phone and dialed a number. Heard a well known voice. Got scared of saying anything, only waited and in a while hanged up. Took her coat and went out in the freezing january night.

She had learned how to love, but never learned to forget...