who hugs and kisses you in bed of roses...
She hanged up the phone after hearing an unknown voice, and all she wanted was to hear his...She was absolutely sure she made a mistake, but this time really didn't know where...her brain started to be eaten up with the millions of seconds spent together... slowly, bit by bit...cell by cell...They moved with the speed of the light, increasing her headache with every second, but she kept trying to arrange them...She realised there can not be love, though she loved him anyway. It was her again, always ready to give and never expecting anything for exchange. The emptiness was painfully killing all her faith left. She wanted to admit how she still counts every minute to their dates, but she was scared he wouldn't understand...and he wouldn't respond again...but it was all over before it ever started... Yes, all beautiful things last seconds...and her stolen seconds from his life kept breaking into pieces her smashed heart, as they wanted to go back to their owner...But she imprisoned them deep in her soul, because she was scared to lose him...
Left all but a little piece of hope to shine into the apple of her eye...to remind her of him. To get used to the thought of loneliness...again...And as more as she was forgeting, she wanted more...and more...of him...the air he breathes...the trembles of his heart...his love...then she had nothing left to do but to encroach on his private space...
It hurted. He screamed like a deadly wounded animal.
He was someone to her, but she was nobody for him. He wanted his freedom, but she couldn't give it back. He begged for his reality where there was no place left for her. And that despaired her more and more...She thought as closer as she was to him he'd love her more...Maybe that's all humans' bigest problem - they are not honest. Everything she won were the words "You don't understand me!", sounding maliciously through all parts of her body...destroying her fighting for survival soul...
Of course, she couldn't stand it at the end...She felt down with an enormous crush over her own selfishness...over her mania to be loved by one and only person whom can never have...She burst into tears...she wanted to go back to the day when she first met his eyes...And forever remembered his smile. The same smile that warmed all of a sudden her heart and showed her what is to love unadulteratedly...
Something felt from her eye...a bead...his little bead of hope. Burned her thenar, but she hardly felt any pain. She stared at it, was as beautiful as in the day she stole it. Felt a bit of desite to hide it and keep it forever, but already knew she doesn't have the right. Picked up the phone and dialed a number. Heard a well known voice. Got scared of saying anything, only waited and in a while hanged up. Took her coat and went out in the freezing january night.
She had learned how to love, but never learned to forget...
1 comment:
Well said.
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